Meeting the Parents
by Michael Mario
Summary: For anabel the lady shark as a token of thanks. After "Dealing with Changing", a certain duo choses to send Cloud into a nightmare... in more ways than one. You either have a Don Corneo night terror, or meet the father (and the mother). Which one is really worse? Not that the Not-SOLDIER has a choice in the matter...


**A Neo Dissidia Romance**

**Meeting the Parents…**

**And finally I've made an _actual_ one-shot! I've been... sick as a dog all week, but I have made progress with the next chapter of _Neo Dissidia: A New World, A New War_- said chapter now more than half way done! I still have important things to do on that front, but PROGRESS!**

**This goes out directly to anabel the lady shark for _What men should be afraid of_. I really appreciated the gesture! That... and this came about from a idea for a THIRD chapter for _Dealing with Changing_, but at her advice, I'm posting this as it's own one-shot. This is a direct sequel to it, so I'd read both that and (optional) _A Valentine's Fantasy_ if you want to know the events referred to here.**

**These keep my mind active to help me work on my other stories. That said, I'm aware overflowing the Dissidia section with these Clerra fics is a bad idea, so next one/two-shot won't focus on Terra and Cloud, but instead going in-depth regarding a side-story present in _A Valentine's Fantasy_... maybe. I never actually thought I'd really ENJOY writing romance, but there you go. Apparently, that and humor- mostly humor... and adventure, but I haven't gotten that far yet.**

**Edit: 3/17/13: Tiny edits for a more refined experience**

**Not an Edit, but a Comment: 3/18/13: It should be noted that anabel the lady shark, whom I've credited this to, had released a similar one-shot a few days before in _What men should be afraid of_ itself... it seems we had the same idea: meaning either we're both geniuses or morons. I had read it and loved it, but I had already gotten halfway through this at the time so it seemed to be a shame to not post it. But because of this: if you read _Meeting the Parents_, you have to read hers- _THAT'S AN ORDER!_**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Cloud Strife was sleeping peacefully in his room after the movie night at home, having had an event planned for later to make up for the one he and Terra had missed in the last fic- something... nostalgic for him...

Suddenly, the blonde felt some hot air in his face. He paid it no heed as he assumed it was just the air conditioner. It wasn't until he felt something poke his cheek that he woke up-

"AAHH!" Cloud bolted when he saw Mike staring into his soul right in front of him, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

The orange-clad teen just kept his calm yet terrifying stare on him, "It doesn't matter how much you scream, Cloud... Mew has the room soundproofed."

Sure enough, the not-SOLDIER turned around and saw the pink Pokémon hovering over him as well swinging around a mace. Cloud's eyes widened at the sight, _'Oh, this is going to be pleasant...'_

"So..." Mike began, "I hear you compared yourself to Mario..."

"How did you-"

_"That would be my doing... and Link? Seriously?" _Mew raised a nonexistent eyebrow.

Cloud was a bit confused, "What's so bad about-"

"_No man_ who wears tights can possibly be straight."

"Wait, what about Bartz and Firion?"

The M Duo went silent for a few moments.

"…Like I said: _No man_ who wears tights can possibly be straight." Michael repeated.

"_Even more so those that wear thongs, but that's another story."_

Cloud rolled his eyes, "Didn't Firion take Light out for Val-"

"_Cover up."_ Mew nonchalantly answered.

"Regardless, you're hardly in the position to question our judgments." Michael remarked coldly.

"…So what are you going to do to me? Torture me? Rape me? I know you would ma-"

Mike let out a snort at this, "Rape you? Of course not! What of person do you think I am?"

"An off-teen with a penchant for the insane?"

"No denying that… however, you also made Terra lose control…"

"You KNOW that what an accident-"

"I know… however, I think there's something you need to know about her past that's rather… disturbing."

"Would it have anything to do with Kefka?"

"Bingo… only it won't be Kefka you see in the nightmares Mew's going to give you."

"_How does a hot and heavy night with Don Corneo sound- by the way, did you know 'Corneo' is Italian for 'horny'?"_

For once in his life, Cloud truly felt terrified, "You wouldn't dare…" He felt himself start to go unconscious; noticing too late that Mew had started to put a bit of Sleep Powder on him…

"By tomorrow morning, you will not remember us being here, but WILL remember the terror like that she experienced and gain a new respect for just how strong she really is…" This was the last thing the not-SOLDIER heard before falling sleep…

* * *

Once they made for certain Cloud fell asleep, Mew asked, _"Are we really going to give him THAT kind of nightmare? I'm cool with it, but this doesn't seem like your kind of thing."_

Michael grinned, "Of course not! I just wanted to screw with his head… _We_ won't do anything…"

"_Oh?"_ Mew decided to peer into his/her 'brother's' mind and, upon meeting no resistance, delved further and found the answer, _"Ah… so you had a visitor who told you to do this?"_

"Bingo- and since it wasn't Sephiroth being a creeper, I opted to take his case and get you to help me."

"_Got yah…"_ the pink cat/bunny/sperm shaped Pokémon yawned, _"I'm tired- ready to go back to bed?"_

"Just use Hypnosis on Cloud to send him further into unconsciousness to meet _him_ and we're done."

Mew did so, opening Cloud's eyelids so that they would look into his/her glowing green ones of hypnosis and exited the room with Mike… until the pink Pokémon floated back in, _"If Mike won't take this opportunity…"_

* * *

The first thing Cloud noticed was the smell of bacon grease… a tragically familiar one…

"Oh… where am-!" The blonde closed his- or rather, her mouth when she realized her voice was lighter in tone. More than that, she was in a heart shaped bed in a horribly familiar bedroom.

'_Oh shit.'_

"~Oh, sweetheart! ~" A voice with a slight Italian accent rang out. Suddenly, the door on the side opened and in came Don Corneo…

* * *

…Let's not get into that, since before things could go into Rated M material, she- now a he again, saw the scene fade away. In its place was what appeared to be a small house in a rural village- with plants growing outside and figures outside that were shadowed to the point Cloud couldn't tell who they were.

"Hello… Cloud" A deep voice rang out behind him. Cloud turned around and found a tremendous aura around what he had assumed to be a giant before he took a closer look.

In front of him was a figure about 7 ft. tall with dark tanned skin wearing only a loincloth and a sash around his waist and a hood (which Cloud correctly assumed was new) that made him resemble Golbez without his armor. However, the not-SOLDIER saw that the figure wasn't exactly human.

From the feet to a little above the ankles as well as the hands to the elbows were all covered in bright green fur- they were claws. His hair was relatively long going to just below the shoulder blades and of the same hue as the fur.. A lot like that purple areas of the fur in Terra's Esper form. His ears were long and elf-like- resembling horns almost were it not for the flicking motion his made with his right one just as the blonde thought that.

But it was when he reached the face that his identity became clear- his face had the exact same structure as Terra's. His eyes were a bright violet- different than the Esperkin's, but besides that, the resemblance was uncanny. _'This must be her father… Maduin…'_

Said Esper seemed to read his mind and was amused by his lack of reaction, "Funny… I would have thought that being visited by the deceased in one's dreams- or rather, nightmares – would get a lot more shock value…"

Cloud knew what kind of talk he'd be having and sat upright in his chair, "Actually, a dead ex-girlfriend sometimes visits when she's bored and has nothing to do. You could say I'm used to this…"

Maduin's eyes narrowed, "But clearly not the nightmare…" He closed his eyes and relaxed his tremendous magical aura, the fur disappearing and hair going from bright green to silver-green.

'_Definitely Terra's dad…'_

The not-SOLDIER kept silent at this, not wanting his girlfriend's father to have cause to send him back to_ that scene_. The Esper Gatekeeper continued, "Son… do you know what my deepest regret in life was?"

"Let me guess, was it not be-"

"It was not being there to see my special girl grow up- and that was a rhetorical question!" Maduin reprimanded, taking complete control of the situation. He took a very somber tone, "I feel like, if I had been there for her, I could have helped her fully come into terms with her body and heritage so she wouldn't be in the mess she now…"

Cloud saw where this was going and moved to apologize, "Sir I am so sorry-"

"No need to apologize." The Esper waived it off, adding, "Actually, I think what you did was an important new step for her- not one she should take _again_- but was something to be tried once."

"…Thank you?"

Maduin laughed, _"Ooooohhh… __**no.**__"_ He calmly glared at the blonde, "I'm not saying I'm happy with you, **son**, I'm saying I could see where you were coming from…" He got directly into his face, "You and I are going to have a little 'talk'…"

Cloud _really_ wasn't liking where this was going, "Sir? What-"

"**Don't interrupt me- Strife!** Do you know how hard it was setting up this near-replica of my old home in this dreamscape? Really damn hard, that's what!" The Esper's aura was simmering now.

Sure enough, the place faded and turned into an empty black void, _'This is like what Terra described to me about how she communicated with the spirits of the Espers in their Magicite remains- how she'd end up with them in this pitch-black space…'_

"Now then-"

"_~Honey!~"_ Just then, a second figure appeared- this one bearing a _huge_ resemblance to Terra. She had the same figure and curly, pale blonde hair, a slightly different facial structure, and dark blue eyes. She was wearing a pastel-yellow blouse and a long red skirt.

'_Hrm, looks like Terra's eyes were a compromise similar to that of the hair of Cecil's kid… anyway, this must be Madeline.'_

Maduin sighed, looking at his wife/mate, "Yes, dear?"

Madeline smirked, "Is it okay if I join in?"

The Esper gave a matching grin to his Human significant other, "Of course- feel free." He turned back to Cloud, his wife wrapped around his arms, "Now then- first thing you should know about Branford women is that even if it _seems _like you're in charge, aren't."

Cloud racked his memory and realized that, while Terra did let him take care of certain things regarding their outings, much of everything else was really in _her_ jurisdiction, "I've noticed, actually."

Madeline's smirk widened a bit, as if to say, "You'd better believe it." However, she really said after that smirk faded was, "Also… my daughter's last name wasn't shared by either of us- we use it NOW, given…"

"What? I get why Maduin wouldn't have one, but you?" The not-SOLDIER questioned, puzzled.

The mother looked away sadly, "I was an orphan… I was never given one…"

The father glared at him while giving his wife a comforting hug, pissed at Cloud for upsetting her, "…Terra's last name was forged by the Empire. _Bran_ in another language is a word for crow- an animal often associated with sorcery and shape shifting; both of which Gestahl knew she could do. _Ford_ is a word used to described a shallow body of water one would be able to cross unassisted- matching his plan to take advantage of my daughter being descended from a long line of Esper Gatekeepers able to open and close the gateway to the Land of Espers."

"Ah… I'm sorry…"

"It's okay…" Madeline quietly forgave him. She turned to her husband/mate, "Don't you have a few more things to tell him, dear?"

"_She really _is_ Terra's mom- she even pardons mistakes like that the same way…"_

Maduin nodded and calmed down, "Yes…" He turned back to Cloud, "Tell my daughter that to reach her true potential, there is something she needs to realize for herself. When she does, she will meet me and her mother in spirit one last time."

This made Cloud curious, "What is it?"

"…It's something only she can realize, but I am unable to help her. I've only been able to communicate her in this fashion once before all of this happened."

"We think it has something to do with the clown…" Madeline added, her face a bit green at remembering just _what_ that clown had done to her daughter, "No one would put it past him: he wants poor Terra broken to be used as a weapon once more… just to prove his ideals right." At that, she started crying into her husband/mate's chest.

The Esper's gaze softened as he held his mate into his arms. He kept this gaze when he turned to Cloud, "I take it my dear Terra hasn't told you _everything_ regarding what little she's uncovered in her memories regarding her time in the Empire's custody?"

"Well… she told me about the inhumane training methods and overall treatment. Is there anything else?"

"Kefka used to violate my daughter repeatedly to the point of madness." Maduin deadpanned, posture neutral but aura absolutely _blazing_ with rage that both Cloud and Madeline felt suffocating (it didn't help that what they just heard was sickening enough).

While the aura disoriented Cloud, Terra's mother seemed almost unaffected…

… Until she started turning transparent- to Cloud's shock, "Er, Mrs. Branford-!"

She waved off his formalities (and her fading state), "You can call me Madeline, Cloud." Madeline tapped her husband/mate on the shoulder, "Um… dear?"

Terra's father stopped, scratching the back of his head as he helped his mate/wife back up, "Sorry about that… I forget sometimes that you're only connection to this realm is through me."

Madeline smiled, "It's alright… just be careful next time…" When she recovered, she told Cloud, "I watched my daughter from the beyond when my mate and husband couldn't…" The pale-blonde haired woman shuddered, having already expended her tears earlier, "It was horrifying… I'm just glad my Terra managed to preserve."

Maduin also gave a small shudder of his own, before turning back to the not-SOLDIER looking right into his glowing Mako blue eyes, "Strife… for both our sakes, can you please pass this message along?"

Cloud nodded, having up till this point opted to stay silent so as to avoid the Esper's wrath, "Of course- she'd love to hear from you… what is it?"

"Tell Terra that her mother and father are very proud of her, and we love her even after death, and until the end of time…" Madeline told him sadly. She started fading away in orbs of light, "I have to go now. I can't stay in this plane for much longer…"

"Mrs. Branford…"

Madeline smiled, "Don't worry, Cloud. I'm just going back to where I need to be… before I vanish, however…" She handed Maduin a white book with the black silhouettes of a man and a woman holding hands in the middle of a big red heart, "This was our love journal- I think he and Terra would enjoy this…"

Maduin held the book with a curious glance, "Why don't I remember this?"

"That's because I was the one in charge of it." Madeline's smile widened as she turned back to Cloud, "Goodbye! Be sure you play nice with our little girl!" With that, she faded- leaving the not-SOLDIER with his girlfriend's Esper father.

The chocobo-haired man was embarrassed by the hints Madeline made in her last words, but didn't let it show. Meanwhile, Maduin kept sternly staring into the blonde's heart and soul.

The silence that followed was uncomfortable for both sides…

"…"

"…"

"…"

Eventually, Maduin just sighed and looked through the Love Journal, "Must be her account of our short-lived love in life…"

However, as he looked further, Maduin's eyes widened in shock, "It seems I was right… though to a greater degree than I thought…"

When Cloud heard the Esper snicker a little, he felt the need to ask, "What? What is it?"

Maduin closed it in a hurry, "Never you mind that, Strife!" He got into the human's face, "Let's go over a couple ground rules before this is over- shall we?"

Cloud gulped, "Very well, sir."

"1: If you make my daughter do 'things' she's uncomfortable with- you're dead."

"I have no intentions of taking her honor, sir."

"Really? Because you certainly didn't treat that Tifa girl the same-!"

Cloud flushed, "How did you know about that?!"

"We're in your subconscious, Strife- I can gleam whatever I please of your memories… that, and you other ex-girlfriend, that sweet girl Aerith that helped arrange this for us, told me about that."

'_Why am I not surprised? This is the same woman that _suggested_ I cross-dress to save Tifa…'_

"2- and this is a big one!" Maduin glared into Cloud's glowing blue eyes with his own bright violet ones, "If you hurt her- I and I mean _really_ hurt her… I won't just kill you-"

He whispered straight into the human's ear, "I'll rape you."

The blonde paled, "E-excuse me?!"

"Did I stutter? And if you do both- ancestral father Valigarmanda will participate as well."

"What's wrong with you?!"

"What? It's not like we'll physically rape your body- just your mind."

"That's even worse!"

"I'm simply trying to get my point across."

"… You know, there's this pink furball I think you get along with very well-"

"Yes, I'm aware how disturbing Mew is; but I'm only saying this to get my point across."

Cloud could have argued farther against Maduin's unsettling threat, but knew he wouldn't win any argument with him, "All right then; you already had my word before you even made that threat."

"Good… but before I leave and let you resume your no-longer psychically disturbed dream- that it seems that your Mike friend was bluffing about before Mew went behind his back and did it anyway-"

"Really?"

Maduin gave him an annoyed glare, "Don't interrupt me, Strife." He cast some sort of seal on the book and gave it to Cloud, "While I don't… approve of my mate giving you this, I suppose it is only fair that you can have it."

Cloud had an odd feeling about this book, "Um… thank you-?"

"-however, I've put a seal on it that will only break if you were to…" The Esper shuddered violently, "If you were to marry my daughter- horrific as it sounds to me."

"Sir?!"

The Esper Gatekeeper laughed a little at this, "To be honest, you are probably one of the few potential mates I'd approve of given the alternatives…"

The not-SOLDIER held up his hands defensively, "Let's not rush things, sir."

"Good- if you did rush it, the consequences would be even worse…." Maduin sighed, "I apologize if I went overboard- but I only do so because I care very much about my beloved Terra…"

"I understand sir- and you have my word… just one more question."

The Esper smiled now, more assured in his daughter's choice now, "Certainly. What is it you want to know?"

"…I noticed you and your wife alternated between using 'husband/wife' and 'mate'… any particular reason for that?"

Maduin scratched his chin, "Good question… in the Land of Espers, known to us as the Feymarch- familiar, I know- while the terms husband and wife were still used even after my ancestors left the human world, they became the 'primitive' terms while mate was the 'proper' classification… the opposite of what humans use. Any other questions?"

"No- thank you, sir."

"No problem…" And with that, the scene faded to white…

* * *

As Cloud slowly woke up from his bed, he noticed three things:

He seemed to have wet himself and his hand seemed to have been put into a bucket of what was once warm water.

When he almost put his other palm to his head, he saw it was covered in shaving cream.

That book from the dream somehow _did_ make it to the real world and was now laying on his nightstand…

'_Gee, I wonder who did this.'_ The not-SOLDIER sarcastically thought, _'There WILL be blood over this for the Don Corneo scene…'_ He looked outside, seeing that the sun was only just about to rise, "Just a little early for a non-workday…"

Thankfully, this immature prank didn't get anything on the sheets, so he'd just need to change out of his black boxers and white tank-top sleeping garments, brush his teeth- that crap, before he could leave his room and get himself started.

He took the book with him, regardless of whether or not he could open it since he figured Terra would want to see it anyway.

As he came downstairs, he could hear Terra already up, humming a tune to herself (her own theme, to be precise). Going further downstairs, he saw Terra (her hair apparently having changed back to blonde while she was sleeping) reading something online on the shared laptop (something new to her after the worlds collided) on the kitchen table.

When he came into the room, Terra closed it down and gave him a smile, "Good morning Cloud!" she chirped, "What has you up so early? Breakfast hours both at New 7th Heaven won't even begin for another 2 hours."

"I could say the same to you." Cloud took a seat next to her, "What were you looking at?"

Terra opened up the computer, "There's this 'wiki' about us… "Ultimate Illusion Wiki" if you want a name."

"Really?" Cloud took a look, "Looks like they spilt our histories into 13 sections."

"Mm-hm. mine's listed as the "Ultimate Illusion VI" while yours is "Ultimate Illusion VII"."

"Interesting… what about the others?"

"The Warrior's and his friends is I, Firion's is II, Luneth's is III, Cecil's is IV, Bartz's is V, Squall's is VIII, Zidane's is IX, Tidus's is X, Yuna's connected and is called X-2, Prishe and Shantotto's is XI, Vaan's is XII, and Lightning's is XIII… and her sister's is called XIII-2."

"Hrm…"

"It looks like they have the least detail on I-III, so they're apparently the least popular. Poor Onion…"

"…Whose are the most popular?"

"It's the Internet, and from what little I've seen so far, no one can agree on anything on it… that said, I've seen a lot of debates on yours versus mine, so I guess VI and VII."

"I'd go with yours- I mean, the ruin of the world makes for a damn epic tale while mine was a wild goose chase until Sephiroth stopped screwing with us and Meteor happened."

"I wouldn't sell your story short- especially since it seems to be the most well-known."

"Your story would only have been added recently; there wouldn't be as many details on it yet. Give it time and yours may surpass mine when it get retold in a more complete form."

"Thanks, but I'm okay with you getting top-billing for now…" The Half-Esper closed it down again then took notice of the unfamiliar book in Cloud's right hand, "What's that?"

Cloud looked up for second before beginning, "Does this sound crazy? Your father gave it to me in a dream."

Terra hummed in thought, "It's weird that he talked to you instead of me, but other than that, not really…" She looked down, eyes suddenly glazed over in thought, "What did he talk to you about?"

Cloud smiled, "He and your mother told me that they're proud of you and love you with all their heart."

Terra returned the smile with warm, glowing one of her own, "I love them too…" She looked into Cloud's eyes, "I really love you, Cloud… thanks for passing on their message, too… and for yesterday."

"I love you too." They shared a kiss. When they separated, Cloud added, "And no problem."

"Say… did father play nice with you?"

"… You _could_ say that, yes."

The Esperkin facepalmed, "….He threatened you, didn't he?"

"Big time." He handed her the tome, "Your mom wanted you to have this… apparently this was your parents' "Love Journal".

"Really?" The Half-Esper tried to open it, but found herself unsuccessful, "Looks like this was sealed… did father do this?"

The not-SOLDIER nodded, "Yeah… he said there was a condition to opening it…"

Terra looked at him in curiosity, "What was it?"

Cloud couldn't look her in the eye when he remembered, "…That's for another time- I'm sorry."

The female blonde shrugged, "Okay then. If it were really important, I know you would tell me…"

_'It's more like I don't want you to feel _any_ sort of pressure to move _way_ too ####ing fast... why do I feel like Maduin only said that to screw with my head?'_ The not-SOLDIER thought to himself.

The Esperkin got up and walked toward the oven, "What do you feel like having for breakfast? I feel like some porridge myself."

Cloud shook his head and came over to her, "I'll take care of that- you've done enough cooking that you deserve a break."

Terra raised an eyebrow, "…Are you _sure_ you want to do that?"

"Of course…" Cloud set the stove on, "…Also, I'm feeling like pancakes if that's okay with you."

"Cloud…" Terra sighed and folded her arms, "Do you remember what happened last time you tried to fix anything that doesn't come ready from a box after being heated up?"

The not-SOLDIER paused. He looked down shamefully, "It caught fire…"

"I don't know HOW you managed to set DIP ablaze, but you did…" The Half-Esper closed her eyes in thought. When she opened them, she asked, "Hey, why don't I teach you how to make them?"

"You'd teach me?"

"Sure…" Terra got out her cookbook and instructed to Cloud, "First- turn that stove off- we don't need it yet, so it's just a hazard."

"Got you…"

"Now, next…"

When Luneth, Arc, and the other kids got up, Cloud would be able to say he could actually cook… until he tried to make an omelet for protein, after which Terra had to teach him another lesson…

* * *

**We know Tifa can cook and Terra HAS to have learned and mastered it since she has to take care of all those kids, but it looks like Cloud's shit...**

**Well, I hope you found this entertaining and expect more of Neo Dissidia, Mike and Mew, and Kingdom Hearts N-Side as well as the mystery fic! Be sure to review!**


End file.
